And if I look back among my blog entries, the most well written ones were when I was experiencing some sort of pain. I'd like to think I don't need to feel pain to write well, but that's the method where my best writing seems to spring from. Many of the great artists in this world operate the same way.
Is pain the start of a great mind? I'd like to think someone living a wonderfully content life can still be talented. But I can't deny that one of the best auditions of my life was played the same day that someone I loved moved far away from me.
Why can't we operate on joy? Seems like kind of a backwards way of doing things.
***
In 8 weeks I will be handed a piece of paper that says I have a Masters of Music Performance degree. (Or, at least a piece of paper that says I can pick up my Masters of Music degree in 4-6 weeks at the Registrar's office.) It's not until recently that I've thought about what I should do with this degree... perhaps I should, I don't know, PERFORM?
So how do I do that when I'm not Hilary Hahn, who has a booking agent and a multi-thousand dollar draw for her music? I don't have too much experience performing with orchestras, and I calculated the other day that I've only performed 6 solo recitals in my lifetime. This may explain the huge nerves that I get in this realm that are completely absent for orchestra concerts, as I've lost count of those concerts a looooong time ago.
Not that I don't want to be an orchestral musician - I do. But I think I want to explore every realm of my career that I can. I want to be doing a bunch of things, not just mindlessly traveling from one orchestra rehearsal to another.
I've been trying to get a hold of my undergrad profs, but as it turns out, it's very awkward asking to give performances. You're asking them for the opportunity to be a guest artist... it's a process that's supposed to go the other way around.
I suppose I've survived this far in my career by making my own opportunities, though, so I guess I can do nothing but continue to do so.
Here's to plodding slowly towards the finish line.
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