I'm a lot better, believe you me. I'm no longer at the point where I feel as though I'll get so lost trying to get home that I'll end up rolled over in a ditch from running out of gas or something. And I like my jobs (my many, many jobs) and the fact that I'm pretty equidistant from two Targets. Oh, and the fact that there's a pho place on pretty much every corner is pretty awesome, too.
But I'm pretty darn far away from many people. I won't say that I don't know anyone out here any more... I now know several great people, and I'm proud to count many of them among my friends. But I find myself still a little stifled. It would happen in any place... heck, I realize it happened the first year at Northwestern. Different people means different people to get used to, and it takes a while for us to really get to know each other. I find the biggest difference being that I don't hang out with the same group of people day after day, providing an easier outlet for that sort of thing. The process is happening here too, just slowly.
I think I just need someone to visit me here to really help the process along. And I know it will happen eventually, but I think someone seeing this whole town with their own eyes from what I'm endearingly calling my "former life" will make this process somewhat more feasible for me. Leaving my parents after Christmas was rediculously hard... why wouldn't it be? They're on the total opposite side of the country. My closest family is in St. Louis. COME ON.
Gosh darn it, I'm just lonely. I've never been a lonely person. I've always enjoyed the solitude. What makes this different? What makes this an experience that makes me question my entire emotional palatte? I suggested to Tom the other day that perhaps I needed therapy, to which he responded, "Well, maybe that's not a bad idea, to have someone to talk to."
Can't see myself going through with it. I already have plenty of wonderful people to talk to here. Just... can't they be updated briefly on the last 10 years of my life so they know me to a point of complete easeness and comfort? I promise I'll do the same for them!
I never considered how easy socializing was in a college setting until I was out of it. I feel really stupid and lost - the real world should be about paychecks and professional networking, not whining about feeling a little down some of the time.
Just to recap: I'm frustrated by lonliness. I'm also frustrated by the fact that I feel that lonely. Oh, and I feel stupid that this is even an issue, as I've always felt like the independent, savvy girl who just needs to hang out with herself to have a good time.
See? Something wrong with me. That's a nod from my Colorado/Chicago friends and a new tidbit for my Portland friends to take with them.
There we are. A little tidbit of Casey. I'll try and consistently include them on my blogs, and maybe eventually this won't be a big deal.
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