Yes, my recital is over, and yes, I got out of one of the pieces in the next NUSO concert. And believe me, I'm grateful for both of these things.
But that doesn't file away the fact that I've got three auditions coming up in less than two weeks. And I've got tons of laundry and no time to do it. And that I've got no money. And that Tom and I rarely see each other because we have completely opposite schedules. And that I may have gotten an old friend SERIOUSLY pissed at me because of something I said regarding the guy she wants to marry...
I try to be a person who's there for other people. But even though my head is throbbing and my stomach inexplicably attacked me in orchestra rehearsal today, people have very little patience. They themselves have recitals to prepare for. They've got deadlines to meet. They've got relationships to repair.
I'm not asking for a lot - just every once in awhile someone checking in by saying, "Hey, Casey, how is everything with you?"
It really helped to talk to Mom today. We stayed on the phone for about 45 minutes and I was able to have a conversation with someone I knew really cared about every single thing I did. That's why moms are awesome. I'm not asking for someone who cares about everything I do... but just check in.
Being around lots of people constantly without having my own space... this is stressful. Having to meet a million deadlines that are racing towards me... this is also stressful. THE STOMACHACHES ARE NOT IMAGINARY, and this throbbing in my head and my stiff neck confirms the tension COARSING through my body.
I'm so excited to get out of school. Have a clean slate, and go for deadlines that make sense to me while keeping nicer hours for myself. Then I can gently take my resting heart rate down a few beats.
I'm fine, really - just wish that the people who will stop in their tracks to make sure I'm okay were more nearby. Stress without relief really makes you quite isolated.
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