To the point in time where I don't have a teacher who makes me feel like I haven't made a lick of improvement in a year and a half.
To the point of time where I get PAID on a regular basis to do what I'm doing.
To the point where I don't worry about pleasing someone who may not matter that much later.
To the point where I'm not living somewhere that gets wind chills that bite my face off.
To the point where I have a family - and all this overanalysis and neroticism can be spread among a few people and not just focused on me.
To the point where I own a vacuum cleaner.
And it's all unfair... I always promise myself that I'll focus on the present moment that will never pass again in my life. Why can't I remind myself to do this more often? I think it's time for a hair color change or a tattoo or some other dramatic change. I've got to wake myself up and pay attention. I know feeling logey and depressed is a feeling and therefore another experience to be had in life... but I stayed on the futon today with only a little practicing because my dumb stupid wrist hurts and I have to practice in AWFUL 20 minute incriments which brings me back to my teacher who makes me feel incredibly unproductive.
I guess I don't need this every day... but every once in a while, it's okay to get down on yourself. Makes the high points more special, I suppose.
Previous | Next